


Pulling You Back

by yukimahou



Category: NewS (Band), Tegomass
Genre: M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-13
Updated: 2017-10-13
Packaged: 2019-01-16 21:46:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12351195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yukimahou/pseuds/yukimahou
Summary: Massu catches a glimpse of something, and as he sees it more and more, he feels he needs to do something to help





	Pulling You Back

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeted  
> Originally written for kataomi.
> 
> A reposting of a fic from my Livejournal days.

The first time Massu noticed was during their third TegoMasu tour. Of course he didn’t think much about it, after all with their costume adjustments and all that glitter and feathers, sometimes a pin or a needle was left forgotten and they would end up with scratches. It was part of being an idol after all… as long as none of them were ever seriously injured, their staff would just be scolded, and they would just have to be careful. Tegoshi just smiled brightly at him and pulled his trousers higher up.

There wasn’t a need to question it.

*

When Shige loudly proclaimed in the dressing room one afternoon when everyone was packing up “Tegoshi? You have a cut on your hip” Massu looked up slowly. He caught a glimpse of the thin line of crimson across Tegoshi’s hip bone; Tegoshi quickly straightened up, his top covering the line.

“Yeah, my friend’s cat got to me when I didn’t want her to sleep on my lap and wanted to stand up” He laughed, that large smile appearing again, Massu had seen it a few times now. He continued to watch while Koyama babbled on about how cats should be treated, and telling Tegoshi to put some disinfectant on it.

But Massu watched a little more, Tegoshi’s smile looked so bright, but something seemed different, almost as if he seemed edgy.

*

The next time he noticed was when they were getting ready to film a TV talk show. Tegoshi was fixing his hair in the mirror, but as he reached up to make sure the hair at the top fell just right, his shirt lifted, and there it was, in a slightly different location, a long red line gracing the slightly tan colour of Tegoshi’s skin.

As Koyama bounded in, filling them in on things they had to do for the program, Tegoshi dropped his arms, a bright smile gracing his face.

But Massu knew something wasn’t right now.

*

It became a habit of Massu’s, always watching Tegoshi, catching glimpses of him while changing or when his clothes slipped a little. If he didn’t have the reason he had, he would have been scolding himself for being a pervert.

Koyama seemed to have noticed as one day when he was shouting bye to the changing room, he leant and whispered into Massu’s ear.

“If you stare at him so much, someone’s going to think you want to eat him” he laughed as he walked out, Massu blushing slightly, Shige gave him a confused look as he followed. Only Tegoshi and Massu were left in the room, Massu’s eyes scanned over him carefully.

“Hey, wanna grab some drinks?” Massu asks. He knows it’s rare for him to ask, but the way Tegoshi’s eyes light up without the bright tooth grin that he shows everyone makes Massu’s heart flutter a little. Massu smiles gently back.

The bar is a little loud, a band playing at the back, people dancing on the small clear space. Tegoshi and Massu are sitting in a dark corner in their own booth, laughing and talking. Somehow their drinks kept coming, and Massu watched as Tegoshi slowly drank more and more, the smile slowly fading off his face.

“Everything ok Yuya?” Massu dared asking. Tegoshi looked at him, his eyes appearing a little hollow as well as drunk.

“Ne Taka… do you ever wonder if it’s all worth it?” Tegoshi’s voice asked him quietly, barely audible over the band.

Massu blinked, frowning slightly, he wasn’t used to Tegoshi asking suddenly serious questions. Massu was about to open his mouth and answer, he felt he should answer, say something to make Tegoshi not look so… lost. But Tegoshi immediately smiled that bright smile, which secretly Massu was growing to hate.

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it, you should see your face, you look so serious” Tegoshi giggled into his glass. Massu was doubtful; Tegoshi never shows such a serious and fragile side.

A couple of drinks later and Tegoshi was attached to Massu’s arms, while Massu was doing his best to get him into the taxi. This was the usually drunken Tegoshi that Massu knew, the clingy and over giggly Tegoshi.

Massu stared out the window as Tegoshi leant on his arm while the taxi took them to Tegoshi’s place. As the taxi slowly pulled to a stop, Tegoshi slowly opened his eyes, looking at Massu. It was that moment when Massu decided he was staying the night. He paid the driver and dragged Tegoshi out with him.

“Why you coming with Taka?” Tegoshi slurred into his ear.

“I’ll tell you in the morning Yuya” Massu said to him, helping him through his door and into his room. Tegoshi seemed to have come to a different conclusion as they slowly moved to his bed; he spun around gently kissing Massu.

Massu froze for a moment…

“I didn’t bring you home for that Yuya” he said, gently kissing the younger on the forehead as he pouted. 

“I wouldn’t let you anyway” Tegoshi grinned. Massu then went for Tegoshi’s top, wanting to help him into his pyjamas, but Tegoshi let out a high pitched squeak, moving away from Massu to the other side of the room.

“What are you doing? I just said no” Massu blinked at how fast Tegoshi had managed to move while being drunk.

“I was going to help you change”

“I don’t need help… get out” Tegoshi growled as he came over and started pushing Massu out his bedroom, right into the genkan.

“Yuya, what’s wrong?”

“Taka… I … can you just leave?” Tegoshi was staring at him with painful eyes and Massu felt that there was nothing he could do to fight them.

*

Days passed as normal after that, but Massu was still watching Tegoshi carefully, but Tegoshi was still putting on those smiles, and Massu just couldn’t take it anymore.

Tegoshi opened his door staring at Massu a little surprised. Massu barged right in, not even waiting for Tegoshi to invite him in.

“Yuya, I can’t take it anymore, I know… and I want to know why” Massu stated immediately as he whirled around in Tegoshi’s living room to stare at him. Tegoshi averted his eyes.

“What are you talking about Taka… do you want some tea?” Tegoshi stated, turning to head to the kitchen. But Massu was faster, immediately closing the distance between the two of them, yanking Tegoshi’s shirt up.

And there it was, right by his hip bone again, another new red angry line. Tegoshi froze, and Massu slowly wrapped his arms around his slightly trembling form.

“It’s ok, you can trust me” Massu whispered

“It’s ok? IT’S OK?” Tegoshi started to scream hysterically, “It’s not ok Taka! It’s messed up.” He then started crying, that hollow look returning to his eyes. 

Massu hugged him tighter, refusing to let go.

“It makes things go away” Tegoshi said quietly after a while. They were now sitting on the floor, Tegoshi curled up in Massu’s lap.

“Such as?”

“I’m not really sure…”

“Yuya…?”

“hm?”

“Do you hate yourself?”

“… no”

“Then… why?”

“… It just gets a little too much sometimes, I honestly wonder what my reason for smiling is… after all, aren’t we all just Johnny’s puppets?”

Massu didn’t know how to answer that one.

“And sometimes, this dark cloud feels like it settles within me, at first I just ignored it, but it slowly eats away at everything… and nothing seems ok anymore” The broken sound in Tegoshi’s voice pulled at Massu’s heart. He slowly lifted Tegoshi’s chin, kissing his lips gently.

“Rely on me? I want to help you” Tegoshi leaned into him slightly, lifting himself to meet Massu’s lips again.

The kisses were slow at first, but slowly became a little heated when Tegoshi gasped and Massu took the chance to slip is tongue in. When he pulled away and Tegoshi was left panting, the hollowness in his eyes gone, Massu picked him up and carried him to his room.

The second Tegoshi’s back hit the bed; Massu was pulling at his shirt, stripping it off. Tegoshi was busy kissing and gently biting Massu’s neck, causing little gasps between the two of them. Tegoshi roughly pushed off Massu’s shirt, fingers trailing over his stomach.

Their lips met again, and Massu’s hands slowly made their way to Tegoshi’s trousers rubbing against the slight hardness that he found there. Tegoshi gasped in surprise. But when Massu hooked his fingers over the waistband of his trousers and pulled them down Tegoshi squeaked in reply, quickly rolling onto his side.

“What’s wrong?” Massu stared at him, gently leaning down to kiss Tegoshi’s ear lightly. Tegoshi shivered underneath him.

“I… it’s just…” Massu slowly lifted Tegoshi’s chin, making the younger face him, he then slowly got Tegoshi’s body to follow, rolling him back onto his back. That’s when Massu understood. The cut by his hip was just the tip of the ice burg. Massu ran his hands very gently down Tegoshi’s side, feeling the shivers under his fingertips. There beneath them lay a criss cross of red cuts from his hip down to his upper thigh.

Tegoshi gasped as Massu leant down to kiss them, gently sweeping his tongue over some of the wounds. If only he could take away all of Tegoshi’s burdens. Up close he could see the fainter white scars, his mind realising that Tegoshi had been doing this for a lot longer than he thought.

“It’s ugly isn’t it” Tegoshi whimpered, staring off to the side.

“I’m not going to say it’s beautiful…” Massu licked over another cut, “but it isn’t ugly either” Tegoshi let out a small little gasp, and Massu leant up, clashing their lips together.

“It’s a part of you. It’s not perfect, but little in this world is. It’s ok to be who you are; I’ll help you with anything from now on” Massu kissed him again, and again.

Massu soon wrapped a hand around Tegoshi’s member, and slowly started pumping, causing Tegoshi to start moaning beneath him.

“Yuya… lube?” Tegoshi’s arm flailed over to his bedside table, trying to reach the drawer while slowly losing himself in the sensations that Massu was presenting him with.

Massu successfully got the drawer open, and nearly ripped the cap of the lube off. He felt uncomfortably hard still in his trousers, no matter how baggy they were.

He slipped two fingers into Tegoshi rather quickly, Tegoshi’s hands gripping onto his arms rather tightly. He moved the fingers quickly, somehow he couldn’t wait anymore.

“Please Taka… I… now… I can’t” Massu was pressing his fingers right on his spot and Tegoshi’s vision was slightly blurring because of it. He was hard and he wanted Massu now.

Massu pushed in and stilled, waiting for Tegoshi’s moan to quieten.

“Move”

Massu stared at him; taking in Tegoshi’s shaking form below him, the scars, the cuts, the thin body, the messy blonde hair, the eyes filled with lust, and no sign of the previous hollowness.

He leant down, kissing Tegoshi’s lips gently.

“Listen carefully now.” Tegoshi looked at him curiously; this wasn’t really the moment he would choose for a conversation, especially with Massu pulsing so deeply inside him and his body shaking from the _need_ for something… something _more._

“Even if you are like this, even if you doubt yourself and may not be proud of whom you are or what you have done… I love you. I’m not going to say you need help, or need fixing, because I don’t believe you are broken Yuya. But I’ll be here for you, so please, don’t cut yourself anymore.”

Tegoshi could feel his eyes watering as Massu stared right at him saying those words. He couldn’t say anything, but he wrapped his arms around Massu’s neck, hoping that his feelings would pass to the other.

_I love you too_

That’s when Massu moved, and the world around Tegoshi started to fade, until all he could see was Massu, and all he could feel was the constant waves of pleasure and the warmth of Massu’s love.

He came first, Massu pounding into him until he also stilled. They lay there, catching their breaths. Massu rolled off of him, lying by his side. Tegoshi cleaned them up with tissues from his bedside table before snuggling into Massu’s warm embrace.

Somehow he felt that tomorrow wasn’t going to be the same. Not that it would be brighter, or easier, but instead, that he won’t be facing everything alone.

Tegoshi smiled properly for the first time in a long time, as he slowly drifted to sleep. Massu watching over him, happy to see Tegoshi’s real smile again. 


End file.
